Malibu ‘92

Hello everyone!

I wanted to bring something to your attention.

I have given the band opportunities to do something meaningful, but they clearly will not be doing such a thing.

As you may know, I had a mental health crisis.

This was caused by an incredibly exaggerated response to repressed trauma.

I was extremely afraid of someone, who I now realize, may have abused me. At the very least, one could conclude that it was coercion.

Inebriated individuals are not able to consent.

When I had been drinking with my friends, this person came out to the bar with us.

Later that night, after everyone had went to sleep, I ended up outside with him.

I believe that he drove me to a parking lot away from my home. He was either sober or it was a DUI situation.

When I was sober enough to realize what was happening, we were engaging in sexual activity in his car.

Nobody knew where I was. I wasn’t sure where I was.

Attached is a screenshot from that night from a worried friend, who also went out drinking with us that night.

He alone dictated whether I made it home or not, so I felt pressured to continue sexual contact.

It is also worth noting that I was dealing with a domestic violence case at this time. I actually had court for it that same day. I was also in nursing school and working as well. I did not have the emotional bandwidth to recognize what was happening to me. I have also, historically, had a fawn response to sexual abuse. I used to be easily gaslit in situations like these. I personally redact anything that I have ever said to him during the period that we were “hooking up”.

He knew what I was going through.

I thought that he was my friend.

I will also attach another screenshot describing the event:

I also have several transactions for alcohol in my personal financial statements from that night, but I will not be sharing that here. There are other statements/texts, but I will not be sharing everything here.

This is my best recollection of the events that transpired. I genuinely blocked this experience from my memory and it feels very new and fresh to me. I ask you to give me a little grace.

Make of that what you will.

I did not realize this for what it was until very recently.

I have spent so much time in therapy, working towards dissecting my own trauma.

It came to my attention that the band Malibu '92 broke up because of a known instance of abuse involving the same person that had done this to me. This sparked my episode.

I thought that he was going to hurt me. I was very afraid of this and this is when my mental health crisis was in full swing.

During my episode, I had told one of the members of the band that the object of my crisis was holding his brother hostage. I realize, obviously, that that isn't true.

The band member told my abuser about that.

How do I know this?

Well, I'm glad you asked.

They were the only person that I told this accusation to. Before, during, and after my episode; they did not reach out to help me in any way.

They did, however, think that it was appropriate to share the details of my crisis with the person that did this to me.

So, how did I find out?

If I could please direct your attention to THIS podcast episode, then you will understand why.

It appears that this person felt it necessary to mock my mental health crisis for tens of thousands of people to enjoy. This podcast has 990K followers on Instagram. This episode specifically has 76K views to date.

I only found out about this podcast episode because it was specific enough for a mutual friend to identify who was speaking and who they were speaking about.

He mentions his name.

He mentions what he looks like.

He mentions that the band's album came out on June 2^nd (which is, conveniently, consistent with Malibu '92's farewell EP).

He mentions the city he say this “comedian” in. One could, theoretically, assume that he is from St. Louis or adjacent. The band certainly is.

He even mentions the specific time, year, and place that the described events with me occurred. I only went out with him with my roommates once.

It's pretty damning, but I will leave that to your discretion. He described me as a stalker. He described me as obsessive. He recognized that I was sick and having an episode. He says that he doesn’t feel endangered by me. He makes it out to be that I am this crazy, obsessive fan.

Yet, he felt the need to call thousands of people’s attention to it for a few minutes of internet recognition. That is a lot of what the conversation is about. I will let you listen to that at your own discretion. It is very painful for me to listen to.

I wrote poems prolifically during my episode.

He jokes that he should’ve written poems back to me. He says that he will use them for inspiration.

My episode was traumatic enough. It was more than humiliating enough.

Independent of what he did previously, it seems like such a cruel thing to do to someone when they are already struggling.

I don’t know how anyone can find the worst crisis of my life to be amusing or entertaining. He hopes that I “get help” but actively participated in why it was so difficult for me to recover from my crisis.

He even says that the band is "chill with each other."

That isn't true.

They broke up because of a known instance of assault. I have evidence of that taking place, but I am not going to share it. That is not my trauma to talk about. The band did not acknowledge this, which I do not blame them for. Nobody wants to see their musical colleague as an abuser. I understand that… Kind of. They made this last record thing out to be like it was a bittersweet farewell. In reality, it was anything but. They could’ve done anything to help survivors of sexual assault, at any point, but they chose not to.

A very well known instance of sexual assault was the reason that the band broke up. He knows what he did. One of the victims told me about this and he, himself, later admitted to it to me personally. When I found out about it, I was triggered into psychosis because I was so deathly afraid of him. Now, I realize why.

He acknowledges this, but conveniently leaves out his actions that contributed to the band breaking up.

Before I knew about the podcast episode, I reached out to them and urged them to donate their existing monthly streaming funds to a charity that advocates for victims of sexual assault. They would not even have to do it publicly. I did not ask for such a thing. I did not ask for an apology. At this time, I was angry. I was angry because this person has a track record of repeated abuse and they have the platform to do something about it.

I maintain my decision to pressure them into doing the right thing, though. I stand by it.

I shared what one of their members had done to me and I told them that I would not share this publicly, as long as they donated. I really did not want to do so.

Without further inquiry, they blocked me. That is why the last message is not sent.

So, it would seem, they have a vested financial interest in not giving back to the community that they have hurt by being silent. I wanted to think that the rest of the band members were good people. I had hoped that they were simply ignorant of their platform and influence.

They have no interest in donating, which really did shock me. They wouldn’t even discuss it with me.

So, let's do the math.

According to Google, Spotify pays artists $0.003 to $0.005 per stream. So, currently, they have 26,952 listens per month on Spotify. It has since been rounded up to 27K, but I’ll keep my math the same.

That would mean that they make around $80-$134/month. Not an egregious amount of money, but I do suppose that it is significant.

They were not open to discussing donating any of it.

I asked them this before I knew about the podcast episode, by the way.

I asked them this because this person may or may not have more victims. It is not my place to discuss it, but it seems to be more than just myself and the original incident that broke the band up. That is what I am told and I believe survivors.

Again, they blocked me for even inquiring about such a thing.

I even tagged all of the members in my original request for them to donate, so none of them can feign ignorance to that request.

I thought that they would be more than happy to give back to the community.

They cannot even do that.

I, personally, perceive this as protecting and enabling an abuser. They may not be friends, but you don’t have to be in order to be a sympathizer and enabler for an abuser.

Then again, it appears that I may also be a victim. It is worth noting that my opinion is subject to bias.

It is also worth noting that I am hurt because it appears that they all derived some sort of entertainment from my episode.

Still, I do not think that donating is too harsh of a thing to ask for either.

I was going to give them a little more time to consider before I made this situation public, but they really pissed me off recently. I guess that their Instagram account is getting some hate and they think that I am the one doing it? I’m not sure.

One of the members threatened me with a cyber restraining order recently. I hadn’t talked to him since I was actively in psychosis. I only talked to his partner when I was expressing frustration towards her for sharing details of my episode with my abuser.

I specifically said that I do not want to hear from her, or any members of the band, ever again.

They mentioned that they are “all for helping” but all I’ve done is “take and take.” I’m not sure what they mean. They made absolutely no effort to help me before, during, or after my mental health crisis. I’m also not sure what it is I’ve taken from them.

However, I will acknowledge that I shared details of one of the victims on this blog. I have redacted that information and I do sincerely apologize to them. For that, I can understand why they would be upset at me. If there is anything that I can do for them, or for anyone that may have experienced assault at all, please do let me know. It has never been my intention to retraumatize anyone. I apologize for what I said/did when I was mentally unwell.

I, however, retain my right to feel upset as well.

That’s interesting, still, because they didn’t seem to care about what I went through when nobody knew about it. They didn’t care when they disclosed details of my episode to this person. They never admitted that to me, but obviously it stands to reason that they did disclose this information without my consent.

One could perceive that as a threat, but I will give them the benefit of the doubt. Excusing abusive behavior sounds exhausting. Perhaps they’re tired. I don’t know.

I have shared this information in the most objective way that I could.

I will also attach a comment that I found interesting from the podcast episode.

Do with that what you will.

I really did try to facilitate the right thing. I honestly thought that they would agree. I thought that, maybe, they hadn’t thought of something like this to do. I thought that they would be eager to do a morally correct thing.

They won’t, though.

To me, that’s gross.

I have reported what happened between the afformentioned person and I to law enforcement. I would also like to acknowledge that I have said questionable things to this person as I was working through my trauma. That is the one thing that I will apologize for.

Aden, I am sorry for harassing you. I hope that you can understand how your actions have hurt me and I do sincerely apologize for what I said during and after my episode. I was still very mentally unwell during psychosis and in my recovery journey. I am sorry that it had to come to this. I did not want it to. I want to think that there is good in you and I encourage you to get the help that you need. I recognize that ordinary people do not behave in this way. Something awful must’ve happened to you and I hope that you can heal. I truly, sincerely do.

I cannot get into specifics, but he may or may not appear to have other victims. I encourage them to also report him, but I stand with them no matter what they choose.

I just … I wanted to make a difference. I wanted what I went through to matter. I wanted accountability. I will never receive it, I know that. I can, however, share my story. Even if it doesn’t matter, and it likely won’t, I have shared my side. That’s closure enough for me. It won’t amount to anything, but at least I tried. At least I spoke up.

I do not, and will never, want anything to do with these people. What they have done to me is cruel. They have to live with their actions. I don’t.

I am glad that this podcast was brought to my attention. If anyone else knew about this and actively chose not to disclose this to me, then I find that incredibly shameful.

If anyone also derives entertainment or amusement from my mental health crisis, then I find that incredibly hurtful.

If the band would like to reconsider doing the right thing, then I will happily take this post down and support them in that choice. It is never too late to change your mind.

I am sorry that they have had to go through such a tough time in regards to this situation. I am sure that it is challenging to navigate.

However, it was cruel to block me when I brought this to their attention.

I retain my right to speak up.

This is for my own closure. This is for myself.

This is the last time that I will be addressing this.

Thank you for reading.