Sublime

It’s like,
When I write,

It’s vigilante,
Double life.

It’s sleeper cell,
Super spy.

It’s secret agent,
GoldenEye.

“Do you like my soul,
Or should I die?”
Potential rejection,
Eats me alive.

Shut it out.
Keep it inside.
Never scowl.
Never cry.

Pens make good swords,
But terrible alibis.
Where silence is nuanced,
Innocuous,
Words are what amplifies.

The scene of many,
Many crimes,
Often lives,
Between the lines.

That’s where you’ll find,
This soul of mine,
I’m oozing with words,
Both left and right.

It’s justified.

It’s starry-eyed.

It’s romanticized.

It’s even fucking harmonized.

But,
You don’t agree,
Do you?

My soul isn’t to be prized.
Just a thing for you to terrorize.

It’s just a thing for you…
To have summited…
And to…
Have climbed…

You knew just what to say,
Barbed wire in your goodbye,
You knew just where to shoot,
And exactly where you should strike,

And,

Goddammit,

Fuck,

Bullseye.

There was venom,
In that goodbye.
I mean,
Did you even try?

Was it all,
Just some lie?

But,
Surely I can compromise? ;(

Yes,
You’re right,
A mess am I.

I’ll change the color of my eyes…

Maybe then you’ll realize…

I promise I can change your mind…

You’ve got me all untied.
How the hell can I unwind?
I’m am but a mess of string,
Loose in piles,
But wound up tight.

You cut me open,
And robbed me blind.
I didn’t know that,
I was the heist.

You saw my soul.
You saw my light.
I let you swim.
I let you dive.

Just for lukewarm,
And unsurprised,
Half-hearted well wishes,
And prompt goodbyes.

I think about this all the time,
You only turn,
If it’s on a dime.

Fuck a broken heart.
I had a broken mind.

And,
You know what?
That IS unkind.

All of my trauma-ridden life,
I worked so hard to be alive.
I will not further compromise,
On behalf of what you “realize.”

I will not be further victimized,

Patronized,

Or,
God forbid,
Fucking plagiarized.

You are what I had to survive.
I’m glad that we are misaligned.
I can’t imagine treating others,
As if they’re fucking itemized.

I don’t know what happened,
To make you so desensitized,
But it clearly left you broken,
Just a step above paralyzed.

So I’ll end this,
How I started it,
With verses and pens and broken rhymes.

You broke my heart,
My body,
And my mind.

You could give me your worst,
And I would still be just fine.
Much worse I have contended,
And much worse I have survived.

This body,
Heart,
And mind,

They may be broken,
But they are still mine.