Bipolar

I have bipolar disorder,
But still,
Some think me schizophrenic.

Even my medical colleagues,
Who know of psych,
But never studied it.

I had an episode of psychosis,
I was hospitalized,
The whole nine.

In turn I become an outcast,
I was totally ostracized.

People thought me dangerous,
Like I was rabid.
Feral.
Lupine.

Not a person in pain,
Who was extremely traumatized.

“You’re about that age.”
“It looked like a schizophrenic episode to me.”

Um,
Excuse the fuck out of me?

Thats not even a thing?
Who are you to diagnose me?
I’ve been diagnosed by doctors,
In the field professionally.

Not armchair psychologists,
Who feign having degrees.

“You need a proper diagnosis.
Oh, you’re just bipolar?
I disagree.”

No.

I’ve been assessed extensively,
And my team is treating me.

So please,
Stay in your lane,
Sit down,
And let me be.

And another thing,
I don’t even need a diagnosis.
It can happen to anyone,
An episode of psychosis.

I thought I would never write of it,
But I’m not afraid anymore.
If you want to judge me,
I will gladly show you the door.

I’m a published author,
With a great job.
And I am successful.

But,
To most,
Somehow,
It doesn’t seem to matter.

I lost my family,
And I lost so many friends.
They dropped me like I was scalding,
Like I was a fleeting trend.

I can never return,
To an entire hospital system,
Because my episode was gossip,
And not a fleeting symptom.

Let me tell you,
There’s no bullying,
Like there is in medicine.

Psychosis,
Is one of the worst things,
Mentally,
That can happen to the brain.

And I fucking survived it,
But I’ll never be the same.

I’m better,
Stronger,
Fiercer,
When will you fucking get it?

I will take up space in this world,
And I don’t need your permission.

Yes,
I am bipolar,
But before that,
I am human.

I used to care about it,
But honestly?
Fuck your opinion.

I accept and love myself,
Regardless of my condition.